Crush 101 : Confess or Deny ?

By | 03:08 20 comments

The Dilemma

Have you ever noticed that sometimes it can be really hard to admit to a guy / girl that you have a crush on them ?  Given the choice, you’d much rather bungee-jump from a sky scraper or go sit on a crocodile than tell him / her that you are crushing big time !

It’s a tough one huh ?  Don’t worry – the majority of us would avoid telling the man / woman behind the crush about the obvious crush .. but why ?? Is it fear of rejection; or being laughed at; or absolutely no acknowledgement ?

crush on you 2But seriously – what’s the WORST thing that could happen by admitting to a crush ? That the person doesn’t reciprocate those feelings.  Maybe he / she will keep a distance from you for a while but that’s about it (and really if they do that – then that’s just a bit silly).

As an adult – we take on copious responsibilities – and yet we find it hard to admit to our basic feelings.  My very good mate SG and I have been discussing this with regards to relationships and we’re both in agreement – that it’s better to confess and admit you have a crush than just sit back and deny it altogether.  Of course there are times that admission can be avoided – but it really depends on person to person and on the situation as well.

Confession IS Good for the Soul

Are you crushing on someone right now ?  Do you find yourself thinking about your crush randomly during the day ? Does the thought of your crush bring a smile to your face ? Did you suddenly start doing a double check of your wardrobe on a night out in case you bump into your crush ?

‘Tis a warm fuzzy feeling isn’t it ?  Every word out of your crushes mouth could be a proclamation of their mutual feeling .. but really is it ? Does your crush even know your current state of mind ?

It was about 2 weeks ago that I came to the ‘in-your-face’ conclusion that I was crushing big time on the Roadside Romeo; so much so that I even tweeted about it ! Sure I was re-posting my old blog post – but really – I was just crushing and I wanted to let it out of my system. 

On Sunday, I took the bull by the horns and just went ahead and confessed !!  It was over a BBM message; and the anxiety caused by writing up just a few lines was over-whelming .. I had knots in my tummy .. I even thought about NOT sending the message .. but then I did it .. and I felt a whole lot better !!

So perhaps a nerve wrecking two hours after my ‘confession’ .. I get a response … and it was Positive =)  The RR thought it was cute of me to send that message; was quite flattered; but realistic enough to state that it probably wasn’t the best idea to have a crush on someone who lived a few continents away. 

Of course he’s right – but it just felt like a huge weight off my chest to ‘express’ just how I felt – even if it was as silly as a crush.  I got a chance to tell someone that they had some how left an impression on me and it was nice to know that he’d noticed a few things about me too =)

What’s the worst thing that could have happened ? He would have just told me that I was being silly or tell me that he doesn’t feel the same way.  Neither of us live in the same country; nor do we hang out on a regular basis – so it’s not as if my confession would have made any difference to the scenario I was already in.

Sometimes Denial Is The Only Way

There is no time or place for a crush.  It can happen to anyone and everyone, at any time without warning, and it applies to ‘everyone' – that includes people in happy & committed relationships.

crush on nurseIt can happen to the best of us.  The last thing you want to do is tell your best friends boy friend / girl friend that you have a crush on them; or admit your crush for your very sexy boss or co-worker. 

Do you really want to go down the road of admitting feelings to a married man or woman ?  Denise Ngo from Your Tango.com explains 3 steps to take when you crush on someone you shouldn’t !

Depending on how one chooses to act and react to their crush is when denial would be a good option.  Avoid alcohol around your crush – especially if you are married – you might end up saying something that could result in something you’d regret soon after or it would just make things very awkward for you and the person concerned.

I found an article titled Evolution of a Crush’ which is a funny way of looking at why one should just deny having a crush ‘cos it can lead to a realization of ‘what the hell was I thinking crushing on this person anyone’ !!

Relationship Consultant Toni Coleman discusses 4 Ways on how to deal with a crush on a friend.  Every option will result and bring about a change in your relationship with your crush – and that’s something one needs to know if they are ready to deal and accept that change.  It’s not always peachy out there !

To Confess or To Deny ?

This one is kinda tricky.  It really depends on person-to-person, situation to situation and how one is willing to deal with the outcome – whether it is positive or negative.

Sometimes – like in my case – ‘fessing up about my crush made me feel better, got me a positive reaction and made me feel more comfortable knowing that I no longer need to feel ‘what if’ ..

If you are crushing on someone you really shouldn’t be crushing on – then it’s best to deny it.  Is it really worth the drama afterwards ?

And just because people and relationships aren’t complicated enough; an article by Dr Robi Ludwig, a well known psychotherapist & news reporter,  states that having a crush can just prove to be healthy for one’s relationship.  Go figure !!

What’s your take on it .. Have you ever confessed to your crushes ? What was their reaction ? Have you found yourself in a situation where you realized it was better just to deny the crush ? I’d love to hear your views on this – so please share them in the comments section.

 

You Might Also Enjoy Reading :

  1. You Have a Crush – And It’s Not Your Partner
  2. Evolution of A Crush on TBRDR.com

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

this indeed is a dilemma for a whole bunch of people out there. and like you say, it depends from person to person AND the situation, whether to deny or confess!
i think most choose not to do/say anything as they would rather deny and still have that person in their social group rather than risk admitting the truth. what if we never spoke? what if he decided not to ever hang out? what if our common friends have to choose between the two of us if it comes to that? WHAT IF?
but then again, if the person in question is a mature adult, he could even laugh it off & behave the way he always did!
one has to take the chance. but then, does everyone really want to take that chance??
another thing i think of is, that sometimes people don't admit/accept that easily because its so much more fun & easy to imagine(?) & dream up your fairytale in your head. once the words have been said, the magic dissipates. the anticipation is lost, the eye contacts that meant so much now suddenly have a reason. no more mystery!
ah well, one will never really know without actually doing (or not) something! :P

-Prutha

PS: sorry for the messy ideas/thoughts all over the place :P

Kavita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sunil Ahuja said...

I generally keep my mouth shut when I start crushing on someone, knowing fully well that this probably has resulted me in missing out on some possibly great things.

On the surface it may seem that all I'm doing is avoiding (public) humiliation. However, when I cautiously peer into the murky depths of my subconscious it boils down to something i didn't want to readily admit having: the fear of being not good enough.

Is it worth the emotional growth to risk being cut down? I'd like to think so. And someday I'd like to implement this bold, new (for me) approach. But for now, macho law permits me to do stupid things like put up barriers and act cool.

Cheers!

Dazediva said...

@ Prutha .. Thanks for sharing your thoughts; it's hardly messy :P it's pretty fab actually :P

I suppose it could always be better and easier to imagine it all in your head .. like you said, the magic can just wear off once the words are spoken .. but then does one just hold their tongue and watch their crush literally crush their hearts; or actually do something about it and get it out of their system ?

It really is quite subjective but makes for an interesting thought or dinner conversation :P

Dazediva said...

@ Sunil .. I wouldn't have expected you to be the type to keep shut on such a matter .. but then everyone has a secret door that no one knows about until the search for the key begins !

A lot of people have this innate fear that they might not be good enough for their crush; when really what you might discover is that your crush is not good enough for your feelings (in some cases if the person turns out to be a right jerk / bitch)

Sometimes the macho barrier works wonders - it can save for a lot of general embarrassment and also keeps you as part of the social group without the mocking or jovial jests.

Is it worth it ? For some Yes. For others who take their crushes way to seriously, it could prove to be an issue in the long run - and might even lead to a not-so-friendly encounter !

Sai said...

hahah.. Well said DC, I am totally with you on it. I too am going to go about admitting my crush. After all the biggest regrets in life isn't doing things, but its not attempting certain things at all. So best to get it out of our system so long as it comes out in an honest and not a freaky or intimidating manner..

Dazediva said...

@ Sai .. completely agree with you. Often we regret the things we didn't do - especially the smaller things .. and admitting our crushes are one of those things .. as long as one is honest, and it doesn't come off as an attempt to be a potential stalker .. to quote Nike 'Just Do It' !!

N.C said...

MY Confession :Im crushing (meaning devastated).....on the fact that I have noone I remotely think I COULD possibly have a crush on and to make it worse why isn't someone crushing on me?????????
I really might have to visit the confession booth to ask the Lord for forgiveness for having the THOUGHT of sinning ...stab an ex maybe?? (kill bill track playingin the background..haha...so glad i downloaded it just today!)

Nandhini said...

Absolutely loved your writing!

Its a tricky situation indeed. But you know sometimes the whole thrill of the crush dissolves when it is told. The hidden and unspoken feelings keep the thrill and anxiety going. But it tends to go beyond your head, its better to reveal it out.

Good wishes to all your writings. Shall be a regular visitor!

Dazediva said...

@ Nandhini .. thank you for your kind words and for stopping by my blog :)

I think I'm currently experiencing the dissolving phase of the crush :( oh well such is life !

Looking forward to your comments on the rest of my sporadic reflections !

Djamant said...

Admitting a crush is the scariest thing ever. I fear that I might lose the person concerned as a friend even. Sometimes I prefer something instead of nothing. But of that person happens to be someone who isn't my bestest of friends, I'm sure I'm not gonna miss out on it. Coz then there would be nothing to lose ;)

As for your writing, it was good but it was too long. Otherwise, great work!

visit my blog at-http://trance-writing.blogspot.com/

rollingstonerishi said...

nice one...Puts a lot of things in perspective:)

Dazediva said...

@ Djamant .. thanks for sharing your thoughts :) that's the dilemma isn't it - whether or not to admit the crush to someone ; not knowing their reaction.

@ RollingStoneRishi .. good to know :) hehehe

Anonymous said...

Great article!
I'm in the same situation (sort of)
please give me some advice

I have a crush on my dormmate, we've been living together for around 4 months. she's going back to her country (we are exchange students) at the end of the month, should I confess my feelings for her? I plan to send her a long confession letter once she returns to her country.

AND THE BIGGEST PROBLEM OF ALL
is that I'm also a girl
this is my 1st girl crush and part of my confession to her is also a confession to myself - me finally acknowledging my confusion, self-discoveries
I'm 20 and she's 23
we're exchange students and what made me more confident in confessing is the fact that we may never see each other again

thoughts? suggestions?
thanks!

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to get something off my chest. I may consider confession in the future. I am currently going through an annulment for my first marriage and I find it to be emotionally, psychologically liberating so far. I hope the end result is too! I am remarried for a second time. We had a civil marriage with the JP. It is not a marriage of love and passion but of convenience and financial security. Both my husband and I are very fond of each other and are friends. If he were to have a sexual affair it would not bother me; actually I would b relieved because it would take the pressure off of me. We have a 4.5 y/o daughter. At the time I became pregnant I was considering divorce because of the so many problems he was having with his ex-wife and my step kids. I gave in to shut him up for a while and bam, it happened, pregnant for the first time at 44! We love our daughter and we have a nice family.

I went to the parish priest to ask about returning to the church, the annulment process and confession. I've had a difficult life and want to gather my baggage and say good bye to it. I met the priest who was very charming. He was stern and to the point and not flirtatious. We did connect at an emotion level even were humorous with each other. I was impressed by his good looks for a 50 year old man. I am in sales and customer service and I naturally struck up a conversation with him which he seemed uncomfortable with but was cordial.
He gave me the advice I needed and I went on my way. I admit, Easter Sunday after mass I exited the church and gave him an Easter greeting. His big smile, glad to see me, floored me!

In the meantime, I wrote him a thank you letter that week for the counceling and complimented him on how I enjoy his Mass.

The next week while I exited, I greeted him and he had a look of love in his eyes; pupils dilated and he took a deep breath. I was flattered but I admit, I felt the charge and can't get him off my mind. (or maybe he thinks I'm a jerk).

I think my "crush" is stupid. I haven't felt this way since my first love at 15 (which my parents intercepted). My heart is a flutter. I want to get him off my mind. I avoided him last Mass and slipped out the side door and will continue to do so. It is so unrealistic a priest and a married woman. I need to be flogged emotionally. I wish he to be mean to me and break this spell.

I do thank him for sparking a dormant emotion from within my soul.

Thank you for listening.

Dazediva said...

@Anonymous .. Your crush isn't stupid. It's a crush after all. Sometimes it takes just one person to make us realize that we are capable of emotions we thought didn't exist anymore. In your case, after a divorce, a second marriage, a child, sometimes you tend to lose yourself in all the emotions around you and forget about your own emotions; which it appears sparked after your emotional connect with the priest.

At least you're realistic and realize that it's not possible for this crush to go anywhere; so all I can say is that be strong, walk away and just enjoy the fact that your heart still knows how to flutter :)

Anonymous said...

My wife and I have been very distant since she became pregnant with our child. We just celebrated our daughters 1 year birthday. We work different shifts and exchange the baby in the morning. 2 years without intimacy has really put a strain on me. I'm afraid my wife doesn't see me as a man anymore, even though I have been working 60+ hours a week so that she could switch to part time. Lately I have developed an enormous crush on her. I admitted it to her the other day, and I think it was a mistake. She seemed very cold and shocked. She didn't really say anything. I regret that since she was already unattracted to me for some reason, she now sees me as needy and creepy. I think I may have to divorce her and seek my happiness elsewhere, but I'm not sure I can put my own needs ahead of the needs of my child like that.

April said...

I am having a trouble about this confession thing...
coz a girl shouldn't confess to a guy.. it would be more appropriate if a guy confess to a girl...

how can i open up with him if he has no time and always busy.

I guess I need to keep it for a long time.. it would probably hurt because it's my very first time...

I don't know how to act naturally when he's there I just can't stop to smile just not to notice I am freezing in fear...

He got one thing I don't know why and what?

Anonymous said...

I got the biggest crush i ever had on a senior in college . Its been about for more than a year, iam pretty serious. After a month or so i wil never be able to see him as he is gonna graduate.
Maybe he knows that i got a crush on him as i became sometimes too obvious.
But i want to confess just get it out of my system. I dn't want to regret the fact that i never told him. but What scares me is not that i will get rejected [i pretty wil as he has got a gf already i think] but that he is a popular guy in college and he may spread it around among his friends and make fun of me, and that wil break me completely. Iam in a dilemma. I have never talked to him. And i ain't got the guts to give him a request in fb. So it is even more diffcult for me. i really dn't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

The biggest crush of my life. He is a senior and is
gonna graduate. He has got something really
unique about him which attracts me to him. He is
not that perfect guy, not one of those handsome,hot, cute guys but still he has something which makes my heart drop down to my feet. I have just fallen for his imperfections.
I have been carrying this for more than a year. I Know its not love just attraction but still.
I dn't think i would ever see him again after a month.
And before he leaves i just want to confess. i dn't
expect anything from him, i know he will reject me but i just want to get
this out of my system. I Just dn't want to pass my entire life regretting the fact that i never told him.
But iam scared, iam scared that as he is a popular guy he may spread it around it and
make fun of me, not that i care iam made fun of, but i do care if my feelings are made fun of, because iam pretty serious. I Dn't know what do. *sigh*