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My morning started off quite badly … My mood went from
‘Good Morning Peeps’
to
‘yeah remove the good from the morning’
and then to
‘feeling disillusioned by all around me’ …
Is it possible to have Thursday morning ‘blahs’ ?
It didn’t look or even feel like my day would get remotely better … the air around me seems sort of heavy (or maybe it’s the quarter bottle of vodka I drank last night by myself – no not by ‘myself’ but I had vodka whilst AA, my friend / colleague had a quarter bottle of Teachers whiskey since it was his last day in the office) …
I’m not hung over – nowhere close to it. The morning started off with me wanting some bagels only to be told that the bagels I had bought yesterday had been eaten by others at home … No biggie – peanut butter and jam sandwich should work … My mother came in to meet me … that conversation took a random turn and got pretty heated … it was nothing serious but I think it affected me …
Of course it affected me – no wonder I’m feeling this way … the frustration that was within me seemed to keep building up … I could feel the tears of accumulate behind the whites of my eyes … wanting a release … I stood under the shower – washing my hair – and waited for some sort of epiphany but no such luck … (speaking of ‘release’ – AA would totally be shouting out ‘Release Me’ right about now and making fun of me !)
Between wanting to shout out some profanities and just get the hell out of my house … I still felt trapped … I left home today and didn’t say bye to my mother … my father as usual didn’t exactly acknowledge my greeting or goodbye … No wonder I get worked up on family related debates !
I got lost in random thoughts – even more than I usually do on my way to work … It’s like I’ve reached the cross road of my life … which way do I turn ?? Lately I seem to be fighting this internal battle – and I’m probably not even all aware of it …
I miss my boys right now more than ever … especially since it was JA’s birthday yesterday … didn’t even get to speak to him as he was with family …
Now to find something else to distract me from this mood …
